I said goodbye to Madeleine yesterday, and it was very hard. I actually don’t think I’d ever spent 4 weeks straight, almost 24/7, with someone before. It was a bit of a shock and kind of scary to be alone again, and part of me really wished I could’ve gotten on the plane with her.
However, after a few minutes of crying and feeling like Bridget Jones when she’s singing the ‘All be myself’ song, I realised it would probably all be ok. I also remembered how in Sydney I really loved spending time alone, and not making any plans until the last moment, just so I would only do exactly what I wanted to do. In many ways this is actually a lot easier than doing things with someone else all the time.
The only question is, what do I really want to do?? Sleep a lot, that’s for sure. I also wanted to go and buy running shoes so I could go running again, but I don’t think that would be wise in this heat (coming up withg excuses is so easy, I love it). Oh, and I’m taking a break from the wine drinking. Hmm, this is starting to sound a bit too much like new years resolutions. Don’t worry, we’re going clubbing tonight so it’s not all about being a health freak!
I can’t help but also put this ‘what do I want to do’ question in a bigger perspective though, with the start of 2009 and my birthday being so near. I think that over the past 15 months I’ve done quite well with listening to my intuiton and making decisions that made me happy. But what if you ask yourself the question and there are multiple answers, each one making the another one impossible?
For example, what if I would love to be able to see my Dutch friends regularly, but cannot picture myself living in the Netherlands? What if I would love to go back to Australia, but don’t have a visa, and don’t want to be so far away from, well, everything?
Luckily there are also a few things I do know. Like that I am really looking forward to starting a new job and finally working on some sort of career (make that the best, fastest, most impressive career you’ve even seen, I’m going to take it seriously this time). That I want to find a place to live and not move for at least a year, that I want to join a gym, or pick up tennis or hockey again. In short, I think I am finally ready for a more ‘normal’ life. Wow, and all that at the very young age of 27 years & 51 weeks, it’s truly amazing!!
In the meantime I am going to make the most of my time here in Buenos Aires, which among other things means taking another week of much needed language classes. When you are Dutch and start using English numbers in your Spanish sentences you know you are not practising your Spanish enough!
Apart from that, there was a recent display of the amazing effectivity with which over-analyzing on one side and over-emotionalizing (is that a word?) on the other can make something fun, easy, and promising suddenly seem….very complicated. This has made me realize that patience and not needing to be in control all the time are qualities I should start practising asap.
And last but not least, I think I am going to eat more steaks, because I am truly sick of eating cheese all the time.
I hope you people up north are ice-skating, and that everyone down south is beaching!
p.s. I will reply to emails soon!